Love in Christ,
Ejay
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When I was age 12, I surrendered my life and heart to Jesus completely and innocently. Soon there after, my Mom and Dad passed away within 8 months time of each other. My Mom was the last to leave passing only two days after my 13th Birthday. She threw me a big party and away I went for the weekend with some relatives. Life was getting better after losing my Dad only 8 months prior to that. I remember the day she passed like it was yesterday...I also remember looking into the clouds and saying "Thanks God, some birthday present". After I gave my heart to the Lord, I begged her to start attending Church with me, which she never did, saying "maybe some day". Neither she nor I ever had that day, so in hurt and disbelief I turned my heart away from Jesus saying, "if there is a God then He certainly doesn't care about me".
I was immediately moved to the Picayune area where I lived in an environment of mental, physical, and sexual abuse at the hands of not just one relative but several. When the secret was out, I met my social worker Tana Walker and was moved first to a girls shelter, then through several different foster homes, until I finally landed in the loving home of my Mom and Dad, Larry and Dottie Wilson and all of my sisters and brothers. Tana Walker reminded me through the example of her life and love that Jesus is real and that He loves me. Larry and Dottie and the rest of the family showed me, through their acceptance, what living as a person who is unconditionally loved is all about. Mom and Dad took me in when I was 18 years old and they, and the rest of the family, have always loved me and treated me as one of their very own. I thank Jesus every day for each and every one of them.
At the age of 17, I gave my love and soul back to my Savior and Lord Jesus Christ. Though I now knew that Jesus loved me even though I was used and abused, I still had not learned to love myself. Those of you who have known me since school days probably remember the change. Between my 11th and 12th grade High School years I went from being a pot smoking, beer drinking, cussing like a sailor heathen, to a Bible thumping, Jesus loving, Jesus t-shirt wearing, Word preaching Child of God. Yet during all those years in school there were not many people who knew of the abuse and hell I was enduring at the same time.
During my walk with Jesus I have made some very bad choices such as abusive relationships, drugs and alcohol, wrong marriages, and divorces. I have been rejected, beat down, ignored, disowned, overlooked, hated, used and abused. I have lost so many loved ones that I started to feel like Job. The only difference is that each time someone I loved died, I cursed God and walked away. Eveytime I lost someone I became angry, discouraged and confused. I was saddened by the losses but angry because I felt that God chose them over me. You see I had prayed and begged for Jesus to just take me home almost every day of my life since I can remember. This life I had been walking, even as a Christian, was brutal and I was tired.
After my last divorce, I decided to take that leap out from under the covering of the protection of God. I am in no way blaming my ex-husband, infact I thank him for helping me get my life back once I gave my life back to Jesus. I soon found myself once again abused, used, on drugs, homeless, helpless, and hopeless. I was tired of the walk around the mountain...like the Israelites in the wilderness...so I began to pray that Jesus would place in me a new heart. A heart that is not tossed to a fro with the winds of life, but one that is secure and at peace even during the strongest of storms. Jesus has answered that prayer in a way I would never imagine.
Jesus has taken my pieces that were so shattered and broken, He has carefully and purposefully placed each one in its place. Like the loving Creator He is, He has changed my heart, delivered me, restored me, accepted me, acknowledged me, caressed me, lovingly touched me, and set me at His right hand as His beautiful bride and the DAUGHTER OF THE MOST HIGH KING!!
Here is my hearts desire...I have allowed God to make me vulnerable and use my pieces to hopefully spark just a glimmer of hope in someone's life that may be feeling rejected, hurt, confused, and broken. If there is but just a glimmer Jesus will do the rest.
Here is God's promise to me and to anyone who will believe that He sets the captives free, brings sight to the blind, makes the lame walk again and restores back to all everything that the devil has stolen!!
Isaiah 42:3 "A bruised reed he will not break, and a smoldering wick he will not snuff out. In faithfulness he will bring forth justice;" (NIV) another translation Isaiah 42:3 "He will not crush the weakest reed or put out a flickering candle. He will bring justice to all who have been wronged." (NLT)
Matt. 11:28 Then Jesus said, "Come to Me all who are heavy laden and I will give you rest."
At the feet of Jesus I have found my healing, deliverance, restoration, peace and rest!
Love in Christ,
Ejay
